Should my kids come first?
This is something that I pondered this week when I read a meme post on a friends Facebook page which implied that a woman should always put her children first.
In a relationship should my kids come first?
Should their needs and wants constantly come before the relationship I have with my partner?
And, well, I don’t agree with the meme, I don’t agree that is something that women or men should do. Now before I get howled down, I’m not talking about ignoring your children, you choose to have them and as babies they are 100% reliant on you and then as toddlers less so and so on as they age.
I personally think that if you are in a relationship and you both decide to have kids then your partner should always come first. Yes, your children are important but they shouldn’t dictate what is being done and when. As they grow to toddlers they need to start learning that the world doesn’t revolve around them, they actually aren’t the centre of the universe (I know a bit of a shock huh?). They have thoughts and feelings and I’m not saying to ignore those, but if mummy and daddy want to go out to dinner without bub and bub then throws a tantrum because they want to come too, you don’t stay home, you go regardless, they need to learn that just because they want something, they aren’t going to get it.
You see you chose to be with your partner before any kids and you need to make sure that you both continually work on that relationship even after kids, it’s important to continually communicate (not about the kids) and connect with each other, because if you don’t do this, once those kids leave home, you’ll be sitting across the table from this stranger and thinking ‘who the hell is this person?’.
I don’t believe that every weekend of the year should be taken up with the kids doing sport, let them pick one sport for one season and in the off season go and do family things together, or let them spend time at a friends and you and hubby go and do the wild thing. Again, they need to learn that just because they want to do it, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.
I read how a couple with their three year old went into a restaurant and when they went to sit down the toddler threw a tantrum because he wanted to sit outside, so the parents asked to be moved outside – since when does a child make the decisions for the family? Those parents instead of taking said toddler outside and calming him down and explaining that tonight they were sitting inside and when he was calm going back inside, have let him know that if he throws a tantrum, he’ll get what he wants, regardless of what anyone else wants!
You and your partner chose to be with each other, that relationship was first and it should continue to be so, love your children, guide them into being self-sufficient adults, but if you start letting them be the decision makers or letting them think that everything the family does is around their needs only, don’t start complaining when they’re teens and being selfish brats that don’t take anyone else into consideration because you trained them to be that way.
The other thing is, it’s important for your children to see you actually having a healthy relationship with your partner because you are teaching them what a relationship is all about. If mum and dad want to go and have a bath together, then the kids need to know to leave you alone, that this is important and quality mum and dad time.
Love your children, teach them respect and to think of others, but don’t forget that you both need to do the same for each other as partners because you both come first for each other.