Do you constantly feel like you’re the one doing all the giving? Or maybe you feel like everyone dumps stuff on you at work?

Have you set boundaries for yourself and others?  If you’re starting to feel rather pissed off that you seem to be doing all the ‘work’ in any relationship maybe it’s time for you to take a step back and be honest with yourself …..

You see, far too many people have not set healthy boundaries in their lives, that doesn’t just mean work but also family and friends.

What happens when you don’t set boundaries? 

You feel used or you may even find you seem to piss other people off, because they haven’t set boundaries and you’ve crossed them.

Why don’t people set boundaries?

One of the main things is that at times it makes them feel important.  At work for instance, everyone knows you’re efficient and get the job done so they keep giving you their work to do, which makes you feel important.  But the flip side is that it makes you feel pissed off as well.

And with friendships / family – you’re the giver and you like to help others to the extent you’re enabling people in their misery or constantly doing all the ‘chasing’ which you feel good about. You’re trying to help but the flip side is you get pissed off because you get sick of doing all the chasing, I mean why can’t they pick up the phone and ring YOU??

The other side of setting your healthy boundaries is also respecting others ….

But if someone close to you has set boundaries, are you crossing the line?  If someone asks you not to ring, do you ignore that request and call anyway?  That’s crossing a boundary that has been clearly set and is disrespectful to their wishes, regardless of whether you think it’s the right thing to do or not.  You need to be respectful of what other people ask of you when it comes to their own personal boundaries.  Don’t for one minute think that ‘they don’t mean it’ they do, and by ignoring their boundaries, you’re not going to do anything but piss them off.  And if they ever ask why you didn’t call, for example you just reply, ‘you clearly stated that you didn’t want me to call and I was respecting that’

There is nothing wrong with say ‘no’ and setting boundaries

When you say ‘no’ to those people at work / friends / family you are firstly telling them that you’re busy and have your own work to do, and that you deserve the time to focus on your job, not theirs.  You are also letting them know that you aren’t going to be used because they can’t be bothered.

Sure, they’re not going to like it at first, but they’ll get used to it.  They may even mumble and complain but that’s not your issue.  What you are doing is setting up some healthy boundaries so that you are free to focus on your job, your life and what you are wanting to do.  You’re not going to say ‘no’ to everyone or everything, but be picky about what you do say ‘yes’ to.  Consider those things that really mean something to you, that you do want to be a part of.

You’re not here on this earth to try and make everyone else happy at the expense of yourself.  When you set healthy boundaries you are setting yourself up for an independent happy life where you are making decisions in your best interests and by so doing, you are accountable for you and you only.

It’s not easy to do when you have been living a life constantly trying to please others but you will be surprised at the confidence and strength you gain by setting some boundaries – and sticking to them!  You’ll finally feel in control of your life.

What do you think?  Do you find it hard to set boundaries?  Or maybe you find other people do not respect yours?  I would love to hear… ♥

Katrina-Jane